Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Outside looking in

I always wondered why people thought I was crazy or about to go berserk. I was at Fritz's with my sister and mother for dinner one evening when my mother jokingly asked if I was going to kill her. I said "it would be impossible" and "there's no way I could get away with something like that." I'll never forget that she said that. I can't believe she would say such a thing. That was well over a year ago. It must be how everyone feels about me. I must look scary to most people.

It's tough being alone but it gives me an opportunity to look at public behavior from an outside perspective. I have to question why people behave the way they do and react to certain things. I'm looking for a way in, a way to participate in the community, but the more I think about this community, the more I doubt that I want to participate.

I seek interesting people who like to discuss philosophy and science instead of sports, celebrities and deities. I found thirteen live-ones in a community of around a hundred thousand, and over two hundred and fifty on Myspace.com, scattered around the world.

At Myspace, everyone finds and posts articles that are emblematic of their perspective, and that's how we find one-another, but actually gathering members in real life at an event is next to impossible because we all keep such drastically different schedules. It gets lonely.

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