Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Outside looking in

I always wondered why people thought I was crazy or about to go berserk. I was at Fritz's with my sister and mother for dinner one evening when my mother jokingly asked if I was going to kill her. I said "it would be impossible" and "there's no way I could get away with something like that." I'll never forget that she said that. I can't believe she would say such a thing. That was well over a year ago. It must be how everyone feels about me. I must look scary to most people.

It's tough being alone but it gives me an opportunity to look at public behavior from an outside perspective. I have to question why people behave the way they do and react to certain things. I'm looking for a way in, a way to participate in the community, but the more I think about this community, the more I doubt that I want to participate.

I seek interesting people who like to discuss philosophy and science instead of sports, celebrities and deities. I found thirteen live-ones in a community of around a hundred thousand, and over two hundred and fifty on Myspace.com, scattered around the world.

At Myspace, everyone finds and posts articles that are emblematic of their perspective, and that's how we find one-another, but actually gathering members in real life at an event is next to impossible because we all keep such drastically different schedules. It gets lonely.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Foot status

My foot pain is getting better. I was eating lunch at restaurants instead of getting healthy raw vegetables and fruit at the grocery store. I can't eat anything processed anymore. There are far too many chemicals, highly concentrated salt, fat and sugar in pre-packaged and most restaurant food. I can't eat beef or seafood, but I can eat some chicken.

I went from a waist size 48 down to 44. There's a long way to go yet, but I can see a difference, not only in my appearance, but in the way other people treat me. Now if I only had hair.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My quality of life

The pain in my foot has kept me down for days. I keeps coming back and the only way I know to fight it is to starve myself and only drink water.

My quality of life has been bankrupt since 2001 without the help of medical jackals. If my quality of life is further diminished by debt from medical bills, it really doesn't matter if I live anyway, what's the difference?