Thursday, December 2, 2010

My about myself

I really don't like writing about myself. I'm not a sales person, I tried sales a long time ago and decided I hated it.

Please don't claim you saw my resume at and then ask me to join your insurance or financial services pyramid scheme, it blatantly shows that you didn't see my resume.

I'm currently working as a security guard, mostly nights, which makes me almost non-functional during the day when I need to do things like run errands, apply for other jobs, or produce content for my sites.

I would really like a dual-use property, a place where I can live and work. A nice store-front with a studio in the back and living space with at least two bedrooms.

I doubt anything like this will be found in Springfield, IL. If you don't own the property you work from here, and you don't have an established lawyer in your family here in Springfield, IL., your business and your family will get the life sucked out of it. I'm only still alive today because we have some farmland. I'm sorry I can't say the same for my father and his father before him who were killed by Springfield.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Another pocket book

The last one doesn't live up to expectations. Sure it can be used as an hourly calendar, but I need something smaller, like a 3" by 5" book that will actually fit in my pocket. Nobody seems to publish and bind on-demand in that size, so I guess that's out. Onward.

I'm publishing a collection of stories from my Menagerie of Madness blog as a paperback. I decided to pick the cheapest shipping cost so it will be a while before it gets here. I still have more stories to add to it so I may be doing additional volumes. I figure it would be a great item to sell at airport gift shops because most of the stories are only a couple of pages. Most of them are really stupid and incomplete too, so I really don't have any expectations.

The waterproofing guys are in the basement below me right now, boring holes in the concrete walls. I hope they don't split the foundation and cause an avelanche of dirt and bricks, burying themselves and their tools. I hope the back wall of the condo doesn't crumble like dominos all the way across the back of the rest of the units.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Back-to-school spending flap on Wall Street

The obligatory back-to-school spending registered on Wall Street as a general indicator that the economy is improving, however, parents who begrudgingly went further into debt to spend money on their children so they can get a decent education, will be retracting spending severely until the beginning of the Holiday season.

Reuters reported that Wall Street was flat because the financial sector balanced against the gains of retail.

Better watch out. There's going to be a steeper drop between now and Black Tuesday due to the back-to-school effect.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Organizing my time

I apologize for my neglect of the other blogs. I have a work schedule that changes frequently and spans all of the 24 hours of the day. I'm perpetually tired and I don't get paid for blogging, so sleep is usually my priority. I also don't have time to access my computer that has all of graphics software so I've been unable to produce any illustrations.

I'm in the minimum wage work-a-day meat grinder that so many people face. Everyone around me is struggling with debt and raising children, some in second marriages, most with college loans on top of credit card debt. Some don't imagine themselves getting out of debt for fifty years if ever. It's become a way of life from which there appears to be no escape. I was almost there too, but since I'm alone, I was able to sell my house after I lost my job in 2001, pay off my debts and move in with family.

Now my problem is earning enough money to finally get out on my own again. March of 2012 will mark a decade of living with my mother. I try to help wherever possible and I'm amazed that she tolerated me so well for so long. The unemployment rate is still very high. The underlying message of the current economy is "be your own boss" but public education counter-message has always been "get a career."

I graduated from tech school and college with a degree in communication. This education has afforded me the ability to observe and analyze behavior of people in their daily environments, their conditioned responses, various values and perception of short-term and long-term consequences.

Working at my current level of society is fascinating. Gradually the evidence is accumulating in favor of the conclusion that this segment of society is suffering from Stockholm syndrome, accepting their conditions as normal. I would like to find a way to break the conditioning without appearing unpatriotic or un-American.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Life lesson from a toad

I was checking exterior doors for security one night when I saw a toad sitting on the cement under a light. Insects swarmed the light and I knew the little toad was enjoying a Smorgasbord. I leaned down and said "hello Toad, how are we this evening" and gently prodded the toad with my finger thinking it would hop a little bit.


This toad reared back, raised its head and stood its ground. I was surprised. This little toad was not going to budge. It was defiant. This toad had an attitude. It was Master of the Universe and was not going to be pushed around by anyone, not even a human.

When I was a kid, toads would hop as soon as you came within a few inches of them. They hopped a lot and if you picked them up they would pee on you. There was something definitely different about this little toad.

I guess most animals have resigned themselves to the fact that they will not be here very long, that their lives are short, and they take stock of every moment. Is this a new development? Are animals developing attitudes?

What will our pets be like after a million or so years of evolution?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Outside looking in

I always wondered why people thought I was crazy or about to go berserk. I was at Fritz's with my sister and mother for dinner one evening when my mother jokingly asked if I was going to kill her. I said "it would be impossible" and "there's no way I could get away with something like that." I'll never forget that she said that. I can't believe she would say such a thing. That was well over a year ago. It must be how everyone feels about me. I must look scary to most people.

It's tough being alone but it gives me an opportunity to look at public behavior from an outside perspective. I have to question why people behave the way they do and react to certain things. I'm looking for a way in, a way to participate in the community, but the more I think about this community, the more I doubt that I want to participate.

I seek interesting people who like to discuss philosophy and science instead of sports, celebrities and deities. I found thirteen live-ones in a community of around a hundred thousand, and over two hundred and fifty on, scattered around the world.

At Myspace, everyone finds and posts articles that are emblematic of their perspective, and that's how we find one-another, but actually gathering members in real life at an event is next to impossible because we all keep such drastically different schedules. It gets lonely.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Foot status

My foot pain is getting better. I was eating lunch at restaurants instead of getting healthy raw vegetables and fruit at the grocery store. I can't eat anything processed anymore. There are far too many chemicals, highly concentrated salt, fat and sugar in pre-packaged and most restaurant food. I can't eat beef or seafood, but I can eat some chicken.

I went from a waist size 48 down to 44. There's a long way to go yet, but I can see a difference, not only in my appearance, but in the way other people treat me. Now if I only had hair.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My quality of life

The pain in my foot has kept me down for days. I keeps coming back and the only way I know to fight it is to starve myself and only drink water.

My quality of life has been bankrupt since 2001 without the help of medical jackals. If my quality of life is further diminished by debt from medical bills, it really doesn't matter if I live anyway, what's the difference?

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Today for lunch I drove in a huge loop around the perimeter of Springfield. Every next intersection I found nothing that interested me.

All the while I tried to imagine doing something different, wondering if there was some gathering place of interesting people who liked to discuss real issues instead of consumer distractions.

The next intersection, I thought, should have something new and interesting, this was not to be. Restaurants were still restaurants,different names. One bar became a used-car dealership.

I drove South on Rote 4, then East beyond the campuses of UIS and LLCC, north on Dirksen until I reached Walmart. I then headed west on Sangamon Ave, passed the state fairgrounds.

Culver's, Steak-n-Shake, McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Denny's, Subway, bob Evans. Fat, Salt, Sugar, Wheat, Caffeine, Carbohydrates, Cholesterol.

Is such the fate of Springfield? How many times are they going to try a new restaurant at the same location before they figure it out? How many more steak houses and condominiums does this town need? I suppose as many as there are people who will grow tired of caring for their lawns and who tranquilize themselves on beef and potatoes, falling asleep in front of the television at night.

Still driving I wound up going south on Route 4 again from the state fairgrounds all the way to Wabash again, and finally stopped and ate at Panda Express, the first place I told myself I was not going to eat.

As I drove, I remembered my father subscribed to Bon Appetit and Gourmet magazines, cooking, drinking and listening to baseball on the radio in his condo. When I visited him as a child I would often look out the upper windows across the repetitive architectural landscape which appeared vast and lifeless during the day, but which came to life at night in the form of dull bluish flickering glow in the windows, of television light shining on the drawn translucent shades. The streets empty, lit only by the amber glow of streetlights.

His fate was that he be overtaken by his lifestyle. I can't help but think I am trapped here, that our futures have been laid before us on rails set by capitalism that appeals to instant gratification, set by the inevitably shrinking variety of choices we are allowed by our corporate masters, simply because we chose gratification over sustainability.

Everywhere I go, every intersection, every turn, every large building serves as a reminder of my history here in Springfield, and a future shared, but ignorantly so, by all.