Irritation this morning 12/21/2018

My left knee swelled up over the last couple of days. It does that every few months. It's from an old vollyball injury I got while I was unemployed in 2002 with no insurance. Now my left leg bends out at the knee slightly. Anyway, it kept me awake most of last night and I was feeling irritable while reading the State Journal-Register this morning. I left a few comments there.

I'm especially annoyed that the main-stream news media barely mentioned that the 2018 Farm Bill has legalized Industrial Hemp with less than 0.3% THC across the nation.

We may switch to growing hemp instead of our usual corn and soybeans, so I bought thousands of shares of stock in various micro-cap hemp startup companies, which cultivate, process, and produce products such as cloth, paper, biodegradable plastic bags, CBD oil, bio-diesel fuel and even hemp-based car parts.

Despite the markets falling, these stocks are buoying themselves. Some are even climbing because they represent a whole new economy. This crop has the potential to save the American Farmer.

Senators Ron Wyden and Mitch McConnell have been working on legalizing hemp nationwide since last April. I didn't hear about this until the farm manager mentioned the possibility in October,

I'm hoping CBD oil will help my knee, my gout, my psoriasis, and my anxiety.

Typical Me Late Invention Idea

Suddenly it dawns on me, of course in the twilight dusk of FM radio, to come up with an idea for a car radio that continuously scans for signals in the background and then automatically programs presets.

There might already be something like it but I can't find it. I got the idea while driving through Michigan. Now I just listen to podcasts.

Home cooked meal

I'm cooking at home to save my money and my health. I made the following yesterday and it turned out pretty good.

1. Preheat the oven to 425°
2. Cutting board
3. Large mixing bowl
4. Press-n-Seal
5. Aluminum Foil
6. Large casserole dish
7. Kitchen knife
8. Measuring Spoons
9. Small bowl to mix the following seasonings:
1. 1/2 teaspoon of Oregano
2. 1/4 teaspoon of Garlic Powder
3. 1/4 teaspoon of Coriander
4. 1/4 teaspoon of Cayenne Pepper
5. 1/4 teaspoon of Black Pepper
6. 1/4 teaspoon of Salt
10. Cut into bite size pieces, the following:
1. 5 stalks of Celery
2. 1 large Onion of your choice
3. 1 large bell pepper
11. Add a medium container of sliced mushrooms
12. Add a regular bag of Coleslaw Mix
13. Add 2 Tablespoons of Olive Oil
14. Add 2 Tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar
15. Add the seasonings
16. Cover the bowl with Press-n-Seal and tumble the ingredients in the bowl until everything is evenly covered with the seasonings. By turning the bowl on it's side and gently spinning it, the contents actually seem to mix more thoroughly than by stirring.
17. Coat a large casserole dish with a thin layer of Olive oil. I usually drop in a Tablespoon and spread it around with a paper towel.
18. Pour the contents of the mixing bowl into the casserole dish.
19. Cover with foil
20. Bake for 30 minutes.
21. Enjoy hot or cold. I like to add Chow Mein noodles.

Letter Published in SJ-R

Riding the Lost Bridge Trail on 10/28/2018
A day of extreme wind across Central Illinois

Finally, my letter made it to the online edition last night so it should make it in tomorrows paper, but here's the link: http://www.sj-r.com/opinion/20181027/letter-questionable-social-media-crackdown-on-propaganda

The mug that came with the Magic Bullet mixer was exactly the correct size to make a full portion of Hidden Valley Ranch butter milk dressing with the powder mix. That worked out. No need for a mixing bowl or hand mixer.

The bike ride to Rochester was nice but windy. The leaves seemed to change color by the minute. Then a lunch of Crustless Quiche and Home Fries at the Lighthouse Restaurant.

I'm going to start making quiche again. The last time was in Old Mission about 25 years ago or more. I usually start with a basic recipe like this one on The Food Network, but then I take it off the rails with my favorite pizza toppings instead of the usual ingredients. I wonder what shrimp or crab meat with mushrooms might taste like in a quiche?

Autumn Thoughts

As the leaves turn and the air begins to bite, I'm stirred by memories of Halloween masks dripping with freezing condensation from my breath as I reach out for candy. My depth perception disabled because of the poorly fitting mask, I knocked the bowl out of the old woman's hands. No explanation mattered, everyone around me assumed I was being greedy.

That was over forty five years ago, yet it's one of the few memories I have from my childhood. It seems our hormones serve as connections to the memories we keep. I was blessed with chronic anxiety, probably from a shortage of dopamine receptors, or dopamine, I'm not sure which, so the memories of things good quickly sink into oblivion, unlike the oily negative experiences.

My most recent bicycle ride along the Lost Bridge Trail was pleasant, I met another distance cousin connected through Ancestry.com. We always stop at the Light House restaurant for brunch in Rochester then head back to Springfield.

The ride itself was harder than usual. It was cold and I noticed on the trail before me, moss was gradually encroaching from the sides, cracks became more pronounced and more leaves and twigs were obscuring the pavement. Ahead in the distance, a Coyote limped onto the trail and saw us approaching and limped back toward the trail side facing the highway, disappearing in the thick brush.

The only sounds on the trail that day were cars rushing by on the nearby highway, the clicking of my bike and the cold air rushing passed my ears. My mind cleared for a moment and the realization of my crushing loneliness flooded in. It's just my hormones again. It's not anybody else's fault.

When green vanishes from the landscape, leaving endless jagged, leafless branches in hues of brown and black, howling against a fast, slate-colored sky, the snow becomes pocked with foot steps, dog poop and soot from traffic; icy, muddy sludge fills my shoes from doorways and pot-holed parking lots. I'll look up and see people appearing to be enjoying something called "holiday spirit."

Those smiling, laughing faces engulfed in their opulence, showing me what I can't afford, reminding me how much of a failure I am for not being able to afford the best Christmas gifts, the newest car, the biggest house, or literally my own place to live.

Ancestry DNA Update

Click on the image to enlarge it.

My DNA has been processed at Ancestry.com. It appears the closest relative I have is a either a first or second cousin who actually participated in Ancestry's DNA analysis. There might be more out there.

According to Ancestry, I have thousands of close or distant cousins. My genetic heritage is mostly centered on north western Europe and England, with a little Ghana and Ivory Coast.

I messaged my closest relative once. I'm not really expecting to hear back from her, but I did get a message from three other people, one of whom I've already been cycling with for just over a year.

Ancestry has a family tree app, but since I was adopted under seal, I have no way of knowing who my genetic parents are. The fact that I was given up at birth in secrecy would bring embarrassment to them and probably anyone else within two degrees of separation.

I shouldn't expect to hear from close relatives but I'm not going to judge them for the circumstances of my conception. At least I wasn't aborted. I'm just glad I was at least adopted.

Ancestry DNA Test Sample Received

Ancestry DNA received my sample yesterday. I should know in about a month, my true origin. I was adopted as an infant and it was a closed adoption, so my race is a complete mystery, other than of course the way strangers treat me. Apparently I don't really make a great first impression.

My Attitude and The Gallary of Grim News

The Gallary of Grim News: Progressive?

Since 2003 I've been following progressive media. They don't hesitate to report on the real issues that the main-stream media ignore at the behest of their corporate masters. You can find them on my Sources Page under "Alternative Media."

If your life is going well and you have achieved the American Dream, there's a chance you might not keep it for very long. Most of us have already lost.

I hear that my only recourse legally is voting, but I also hear that voting has been rigged. I hear the call for rallies and protests, but rallies and protests are met with violent opposition and police action.

I hear that outspoken activists get death threats and are potentially blacklisted from employment opportunities. I hear about all the things corporations get away with at the expense of their own workers and the taxpayers. I hear how politicians are legally bribed. I hear about possible threats to protected classes of people.

All I can do is cast a vote, crawl into a hole and pray. Listening to these people fills me with a sense of hopelessness. I was being ground into the dirt, but then I realized something. These people make a living doing what they do. They have an incentive to make things seem as bad as possible, not necessarily as bad as things really are.

They may be telling the truth, but are they exaggerating? Is most of it hyperbole? Do they spend as much time reporting the facts as they do speculating about the outcome? Not really. Many of them make all manner of extrapolation.

I'm cutting myself off from this clutch of Chicken Little Lefties, but I'm not going to join the Pollyannas on the right either. How many times over the last decade has some politician claimed there was a constitutional crisis or an eminent economic collapse? Too many for me to listen anymore.

Learned helplessness and civic participation

When I wrote my letter to the editor at sj-r.com I was sitting at my computer, typing it up like I do when I post on social media. It felt less serious and dour while I was typing it than when I saw it printed in the actual newspaper.

It struck such a blow to my own expectations of our political system, I feel as if I planted seeds of discord that would evaporate any motivation for civic participation. This is what I get for paying too much attention to politics in the news. So do I blame the news media?

I'm beginning to realize the old saying "don't kill the messenger" points toward the tendency for humans to attribute feelings of helplessness and fear onto people who talk about negative situations all the time, without balancing their contributions with any solutions or positive outcomes.

In this case, I'm that guy: Buzz Killington.

When he hear enough bad news from the same sources, we tend to get triggered into a sense of helplessness and hopelessness when we hear or see the mere presence of those sources. It's a form of Operant Conditioning. Sometimes called Misattribution of Arousal.

It becomes second nature to be angry at the news media, because their subjects are too far removed from our reach both physically and intellectually to do anything about it except vote, but voting isn't even a real choice, because as Donna Brazile best tweeted "We are still in the room and very much capable of setting the menu."

The frustration is real, but is it rightly placed on the media? They are supplying us with information so we can be educated voters, but what difference is that going to make? 

 

Why do I surround myself with such negativity?

I stopped watching television in 2012 with the exception of Jeopardy!, Wheel of Fortune, PBS News Hour and BBC World News. But since early June I stopped watching that as well.

Now I choose my news by following specific journalists on Twitter, subscribing online to the local newspaper, browsing Google and Reddit news feeds. I follow alternative news some like to call fake news, but is still somewhat factual but distorted, with hyperbolic misleading headlines, and a lot of opinions filled with visceral hatred, name-calling and parroting of talking points from circular-citing ideological echo-chambers.

I just discoverd https://mediabiasfactcheck.com/ which checks the bias of a news source, not only for left or right bias, but also pseudo-science and conspiracy prone sites. I found it while googling Zero Hedge, which according to Media Bias Fact Check is high on the conspiracy meter. But this is really beside my question: Why do I gravitate to these sources?

Validation, but not really validation of my own preconceived beliefs, but validation of my hormone imbalance which creates chronic anxiety. I'm literally searching outside myself for reasons for why I feel the way I do.

What happens inside me emotionally is in me, and not caused by anything outside myself. So when I try to enjoy myself with a distraction like Reddit's r/aww, gradually I get a gnawing feeling that I'm missing something important, which seems normal on the surface, but I still get the feeling that the news I browse through every day is a distraction from what's really going on behind the scenes.

At this point some would say it's the Trilateral Commission, the Illuminati,  the Koch Brothers, or George Soros, Anonymous, Guccifer 2.0, or whom ever.

Every day in fictional media and in advertising we see lifestyles and relationships that are perfect, and unreachable. A near constant reminder of our lower social status. When we see other people who we believe to be lesser than us, enjoying something we cannot, it induces a silent rage. But remember what I wrote in paragraph 5. Some people are on a hormonal edge that can be triggered by outside stimuli, especially if they lack the knowledge to understand and articulate their own emotions.

This is why we need mental health or basic psychology education earlier in school.

Office Politics and Extra Training in the Navy.

One of my shortcomings is that I don't like to brag, so when I'm in a job interview I feel like I'm bragging. But special qualifications need to be reported here.

When I was in the Navy, there was a period before each deployment overseas where we train in the Caribbean, stopping occasionally in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and Roosevelt Roads, Puerto Rico. It's very hot down there, but the sunrises are spectacular.

We were only there for a week when I received orders to fly from GTMO to Norfolk, VA, for a special training assignment. Everyone was pissed off that I got to fly out of there early. I felt some guilt.

Because I was the Deck Department Yeoman, my duties included maintaining 1st and 2nd Division's department safety training records, so now they designated me the Deck Department Safety Training Petty Officer. I was schooled in Navy Occupational Safety and Health (NAVOSH) with several other personnel from various departments.

We learned how to inspect spaces for safety violations, proper tag-out procedures for equipment, how to use Material Safety Data Sheets, and more I can't remember now because it was twenty eight years ago.

But, what really prepared me for the life after my military services was the EEOC training. We were instructed about discrimination in the workplace, including what constitutes a toxic work environment, sexual harassment, and racism.

You see, unlike a few people I know, I'm keenly aware of people's attempts to bait me into a situation where I might be accused of sexual harassment. All those lurid questions in an attempt to elicit a scandalous response, the loud, lurid conversations near me, in an attempt to draw me into frank, explicit discussions I might later regret, had I fell for it. Yeah, I know office politics.

This is where I was then designated the Deck Department Command Assessment Team member. You wouldn't know it from looking at my DD-214, but if they documented every little responsibility, every service member's record would be enormous.

I am an ally for the #MeToo movement, and and ally of the #LBGTQ. #BlackLivesMatter, Why? Because I'm a #Beta, #Incel.

Oh, did you just get a queasy feeling in your gut?

Big shoes I probably shouldn't try to fill

Saturday, May 19, 2018 at Illinois College, The Springfield Civil War Round Table and Shewe Library rededicated the P.B. Thomas Civil War Memorial Library collection.

Months went into planning for this and I was nervous about giving my own three minute speech in front of my family members, friends, and historians.

My grandfather had the honor of giving the commencement speech at my mother's school, Ferry Hall Prep. in Lake Forest, Illinois, in June of 1953. At last week's library re-dedication, my mother read from that speech. Everyone I spoke to agreed that those words still resonate to this day.

When I was in elementary school and middle school, years before there were such things as personal computers or cell pones, the rote method of learning names, events and dates, was so tedious it made my head hurt. Most of my teachers in District 186 were so close to retirement they were mostly mentally checked-out anyway. So, I developed an aversion to history education.

I never met my grandfather, Benjamin Thomas. Not until long after high school I finally learned the significance of Ben Thomas' impact on the history of Abraham Lincoln. I still haven't read his books.

Yet, here I am, writing pitiful blogs, blurbs, vlogs, tweets and memes. Nothing worth fawning over.

Quest for Food

The Light House Restaurant, Rochester, IL

Yesterday I crashed hard after breakfast. I ate two pieces of whole wheat toast and drank some Orange juice. I think it was the carbohydrates, so this morning I had some unsweetened juice concentrate I found at the Vitamin Shoppe, some Beet Root, Tart Cherry, and Cranberry. Then I followed up with coffee and four slices of Bacon.

I'm sitting here now, a half-hour later, and I'm not feeling the weight of the world washing over me. That wave of inexplicable exhaustion, like an invisible weighted blanket. Maybe too soon? Maybe other circumstances?

According to Nutritiondata.self.com, bacon has a one star rating when it comes to weight loss, but only a two star rating for weight gain. One might think they should be diametrically opposed. 

I heard recently that dietary fat and cholesterol were given a false bad rap by the sugar industry. I did a little research and posted the links at the Cringing Consumer blog.

So, this morning before I go workout at Planet Fitness, I'm looking up foods that are highest in Protein and Potassium, and lowest in total Carbohydrates and total Fat. Here are just a few of the "999 results:" Spoiler alert: Mostly Pork, Poultry and Dairy with fresh fruits and vegetables.

• Chicken, broilers or fryers, breast, meat only, raw 
• Cheese, mozzarella, nonfat 
• CAMPBELL Soup Company, V8 Vegetable Juice, Lemon Twist V8 
• Watercress, raw 
• Margarine, vegetable oil spread, stick/tub/bottle, 60% fat 
• Cowpeas, leafy tips, cooked, boiled, drained, with salt 
• Cabbage, chinese (pak-choi), cooked, boiled, drained, without salt 
• Cabbage, common, cooked, boiled, drained, with salt 
• Radishes, raw 
• Tomatoes, red, ripe, cooked 
• Beef, cured, pastrami 
• Pickles, cucumber, dill, low sodium 
• Peppers, sweet, green, raw 

The trouble is with making sandwiches, pizza or including pasta. Healthline.com suggests there are ten viable substitutes for "conventional wheat bread," I'm going to look at the Carbohydrate content of each to see which is the lowest. I'll just look at the three most easily accessible:

• Corn Tortillas - 8 grams of carbohydrates. Tend to fall apart raw, shatter, 3.5 star rating for weight gain.
• Rye Breat - Nope. 15 grams of carbohydrates.
• Sourdough Bread - Nope - 18 grams of carbohydrates

Normal wheat bread has 12 grams of carbs, and white bread has 23 grams if carbohydrates!
Then there is Rice Bran Bread with 12 grams of carbs.

It's been over an hour and I still feel pretty darn good.

Meanwhile

While I wait to hear back from potential employers, I do some minor odd jobs to fill the void. Cleaning a basement following a sewer backup, for instance.

I'm currently drawing up designs for a multi-purpose closet system. It's been a few years since I used my 3D software, so I'm relearning things. I just upgraded, so I must learn more about new shading methods.

Employment Update

It looks like I finally got the help I needed with my Resume. All the necessary changes have been made and approved. I have four separate resumes for experience and skill sets: Audiovisual, computer, navy and retail.

The problem is my experience varies from one field to another intermittently over decades, so there will be huge gaps of time in each resume. They are each reduced to only two pages, if I presented my complete resume it would be about eight or ten pages long.

I'll be lucky if anyone hires me because I'm 54 in July, but the doctors at the V.A. told me I'm healthy, no signs of cancer, no STD's. I'm working out at Planet Fitness and eating right. So far I lost around 24 pounds, but I have at least 140 more to go before I reach the green zone on my BMI chart.

But I live in isolation for economic reasons. It's boring and lonely. I need challenges so every day I go online to forums where people need help with Adobe or Microsoft and I make suggestions or edit files. I often answer questions at Quora.com for young people who are about to make some of the mistakes I made growing up. I sometimes do research and gather data for charts and tables.

If you scroll to the bottom here, you'll see some of my other blogs, except for spfldnet. Just google "spfldnet" and you'll see where else I spend my alone time. It's not the best quality, but hey, I'm not getting paid for any of it.

I would like to get paid for what I do, but Patreon or GoFundMe accounts yield nothing. Freelance work online is globally competitive so it's a race to the bottom.

Reminiscing about myself and the Illinois Primary

I’ve been trying for decades to scrimp and save money for investment, and what little I accumulated wasn’t enough to buy stocks worth more than investing in the typical startups that invariably go belly-up.

When Bitcoin was valued under $3, I was subsisting on the verge of homelessness, so there was no chance I could spare enough money to risk investing in something about which I knew almost nothing.

While I live on what trickles in from a family farm trust, it’s not enough to afford rent, so I live with my mother. She’s been gracious, caring and generous, and every day I imagine the darkness I might face without her generosity.

I cannot fathom how to thank her without it seeming disingenuous or petty. I try to help her as much as possible. As long as her patience does not wear out, I can bide my time until a job comes along that fits my skill set.

So, I subsist on what little I have, which means I can’t afford the luxury of even dating. I have too much respect for women to drag them into a relationship they will regret. Besides, I don’t even physically qualify for Natural Selection, but I’m working on it at Planet Fitness.

As for Illinois Politics, I envy the billionaires who can drop millions of dollars on advertising and travel to get name recognition enough to overshadow any other candidates, even those with bright, interesting ideas for experimental policy changes which might prove successful if given a chance.

But policy change ideas by one set of politicians threaten the livelihoods of another set of politicians, and the stalemate is dragging everyone else down.

It’s going to be another governor versus whomever. I don’t know if J.B. Pritzker will get along with Michael Madigan if he wins the general election in November. I hope the General Assembly allows J.B.to enact his campaign promises. Not likely.

Whatever the outcome, the rest of Illinois and myself can only ride with the tide. Or is it me and the rest of Illinois?

Why is Russia so interested in my blog?

I don't know what is going on, but it seems some people in Russia are interested in my blog. Does anyone know why?

Screen shot of my blog stats

Expectations and Emotional Response

I notice that people expect me to have certain emotional responses based on their preconceived ideas about how people should respond. They expect me to be angry. They expect me to be sad. They expect me to be depressed. But I am not them. It has a lot to do with my education at UIS in the field of Communication. I was told a phrase that blew my mind and resonates with me since I first heard it in 2004: "Meaning is in people, not in things."

Take this quick, anonymous two-question survey: I would like to know how feelings work:

Somehow I managed to detach meaning from stimulus. You could say it was like passing the Vulcan ritual of Kolinahr, Now I keep asking myself "How am I supposed to feel?"

While I do have chronic anxiety as an inherited condition, I'm aware of its presence. I'm not sure how to get people to manage their expectations and take ownership of their feelings. I no longer let situations dictate my feelings because I own my feelings. You can too.

Dear No-Reply employer

I received the following email this morning from a potential employer. It was a 'no-response' email, so I must thank them here on my blog instead.

Dear Frederick,
Thank you for interviewing for the Part Time,_______. It was a pleasure meeting with you.
On behalf of the hiring team, I want to thank you for your interest in joining our location. We found ourselves in the fortunate position of having a wide range of qualified candidates from which to choose. Your background and experience was very impressive, however we have selected another candidate that we feel is the best match for this position.
We appreciate your interest in _______ and wish you success in your job search.
Sincerely,
________

Response:

Thank you for sparing some time in your busy schedule to interview me. It's very rare for me to be called in for an interview and this experience has lifted my spirits. Being a Gen-X'er in a world now run by Millennials, I understand the desire to hire younger instead of older. No hard feelings.

Happy New Year

Is this it? I'm here in Springfield, Illinois for a year now. Nobody is interested in hiring me and my cousin Tom. tells me Springfield is a dead end. He's doing something different. He specializes in hunting hard-to-find items and then sells them. Maybe I need to do something different too, but I haven't found a need around this town that could be filled with my particular set of skills.

Today was the Women's March. I took a few photos, laughed at some hilarious signs and listened to some speeches. My cousin in Chicago messaged me that the turnout there was around 300,000.

Yesterday I was getting my haircut and I mentioned the march and everyone just poo-pooed it as some feminist event. I guess they don't worry about the fact that women are paid around eighty cents for every dollar a man makes, or that white male politicians are trying to be gynecologists and intervene in women's medical issues. The crowd was relatively small compared to the ten percent of Springfield's population that showed up for Donald Trump during his 2016 campaign stop in Springfield.

Watching CNN tonight, it was beginning to look like the Democrats and Republicans are two sides of the same corporate coin. The Democrats want DACA passed for the Dreamers, The Republicans want their budget passed, the President wants his Mexico border wall,  and none of the three branches of our government are willing to compromise. The finger-pointing seems to be engineered by all sides, or worse, engineered by their corporate owners, the donors who decide who gets the money to run for office.

This reminds me of Tammany Hall, the birthplace of political obfuscation. A similar outcome seems to be festering.